so this really happened to me on sunday.

i live in the south.  the saawth, hunny.

so i was at the gas station buying a diet coke and this man comes in in his church clothes.  he was probably about 60.  i’m 29.  i paid for the coke and was situating things in my pocketbook because it was raining out and i didn’t want to do it outside.  he walks up to the counter and says,

i’ll have a pack of marlboro lights.

then i see him see me in his peripheral vision.  like, i KNOW he saw me because i could see him see me and smile a little tiny bit and then he says,

you know, make it reds today.

then he turned his head part-way my way and kind of smirk-smiled.  now i do not know this man but i am telling you that he does not look like he has smoked marlboro reds a day in his seersucker-wearing, church going, light-cigarette-smoking life.  and i’m thinking to myself, is this supposed to impress me????

then i went to my car because, much to his dismay, this did not make me take me top off instantly.  as i was waiting to pull around the place, i thought, surely i’m imagining this and flattering myself in a terribly pathetic way, right?  and then he drove around and practically wrecked his car so he could stare at me!  and his wife was right there in the car!  she looked pissed.

well good luck smoking those, son, because i’ve got nothing to offer you.